Thursday, December 30, 2010
i swear that you dont have to go.
hm. it feels like i'm forever the youngest whenever i hang out with anybody. no matter who it is. and i just feel really childish at times. and i'm really tired of it. its all really a facade. trying to show a side if me that isnt even true, because the real me wouldnt even want to hang out with people. probably just doing whatever i want, and being a complete douche(so when you see me being one dont be surprised it just means i'm tired and i really want to be left alone)and i'm just tired of these shit. i'm tired of having to please people, having to put up with people that in an alternate universe i would have just totally ignored them. i just get this feeling like i'm slowly fading to just another face in the crowd. and that is exactly what i dont want. sometimes by being childish i just feel that i'm able to preserve that little bit of pure inspiration that i'm able to draw on. its just this reluctance to give up i guess. and with it entails having to be always right and wanting to do things my way. sometimes i really feel as if i'm just left alone i'll be so much better than where i am today. its as if the world always disrupts your cycle of what you want to do and achieve and sometimes you want to just give it the finger and continue with whatever you are doing because you know that something great is bound to emerge. but no the world is never like that. sigh. after 15 years in this miserable world i still havent found a way around it. i guess in a sense i dont want to grow up.
Posted by Chiaroscuro at 9:00 AM