Thursday, April 7, 2011
the end.
and so this is how it ends; me alone in that room having way too much thoughts than healthy, you sitting godknowswhere pretending that nothing ever happened. so many words unsaid. so many thoughts abandoned. so many feelings left unexpressed. in the end, we lose sight of who we are. our strengths. our weaknesses. what we were meant to be, not who you want me to be. in the end it was all a beautiful mistake. touching something that was never meant to be touched and yet still touched. out of curiosity or ignorance no one will ever know now. you tried to mould me. tried to show me your way. but i refused. never. it was too much for me. honestly, i tried. my best? no. no where near. but i did try. never will you know how much i tried. but for you? no. if it was solely for you i would have left a long time ago. you, with all your flaws and imperfectness was not the main cause of all this. and it is not your fault to. nobody is perfect, as they all like to say. this was all for an idea. the sheer audacity to think that two people could be together forever no matter what the world says. that was all we needed. the two of us. but no, the world is never that way. and you, with all your practicality, saw through that the moment i said it. maybe it was true; from the beginning you already saw through me and knew what i was. maybe its all true that you never ever caught hold of that idea and you were merely going through the motions, yet another page in your book. perhaps the idea will catch you late at night 20 years from now. maybe it will find you. or maybe you will live your life in all your practicality and never see the beauty behind living for an idea. i pray that the last option is one that will never happen to you. now all i want is to see you once again in that room. to go up to you and tell you whatever i wanted to tell you, whatever words that were meant to be said but we didnt dare to. my deepest, darkest thoughts. about how i honestly thought you were the missing puzzle piece. the masterstroke which completes the painting. just go up to you and tell you everything. then leave forever. no, i do not want you back. never again. making that mistake once was enough, twice would just be sheer folly. all i want is a proper conclusion. to eliminate whatever doubts from my mind. to clear whatever regrets that room holds. and to find my faith once again to continue living for that idea.
Posted by Chiaroscuro at 5:40 AM